I can has job. It comes with free honey. Because...well, it's a honey company: Round Rock Honey.

How did I do it? By being more lucky than good. The company owner, you see, teaches at my old high school, and therefore talked about me with my old teachers, who were apparently quite kind to me, which I find kind of funny. They gave me 'rave reviews' and thus got me hired.

Victory! Success! Triumph over mine enemies! Huzzah and all that jazz! Cue the confetti, the choirs of angels, and the lurid victory jig.

To be honest, though, my first reaction (after politely thanking my new boss and being shown around the warehouse and being overall contained and happy before being set free with the intent to come back and start work the very next day) was to quietly shut my car door, sit in silence for a second, and then burst out laughing raucously, because that's apparently how I roll.

Now I just have to be patient and wait a few paychecks, recover my safety net and move into an apartment with my dearest friend, and start trying to work out how to go about applying for financial aid this upcoming January.

If not for the overwhelming sense of relief I feel from finally having a job again, I'd probably be freaking the fuck out. As it is, I'm good, in spite of the bruises along the insides of my arms from wrestling with 60lb buckets of honey.

Between the physical exertion of warehouse work and the sudden relief of 60-70% of my stress-inducing problems in one fell swoop, I've got better, and am no longer a newt.

Yay, not-newt.

I'm just bone-deep tired every day when I come home, but at least it's a good tired, for once: from good honest hard work rather than stressing out and getting depressed and feeling like crap. Plus: I may have a six-pack in a few months, at this rate, despite consuming honey more regularly now.

And also: the honey is very, very tasty. Better than the cheap stuff you'll find in most stores: local and hand-bottled (I would know, trust me, I've done it) and overall quite nifty. I need to find honey-based recipes to start playing around with.